


Dirk: Unite

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, bobobs who love their creators
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-25
Updated: 2012-07-25
Packaged: 2017-11-10 16:46:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/468492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You are a Dirk splinter - one of the oldest and most detached, to be sure, but rooted in him all the same - and your plan has gone horribly wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dirk: Unite

You do not like being human.

Perhaps with time and practice, you could get used to things. You'd be lying if you said you didn't enjoy at least some of the benefits to having a tangible body. But there's a sense of detachment you can't shake. One of the core parts of your programming is a deep sense that _you are a machine_. You are lines of code in a pair of stylin' shades. He never wanted you to long for something you couldn't have. Or something he thought you couldn't have. Semantics.

Right now you just want to be glasses on the face of a guy you actually kind of really miss a lot.

And on top of that, it's really easy to make mistakes when your thoughts are bound to the speed and chemistry of your new brain; an organ which, by the way, apparently has no control over your mouth.

"It seems you think I'm being an insufferable prick. Am I being an insufferable prick, Jake? Do you wish to discontinue this conversation, because I am _more_ than willing-"

"Dirk?" he says cautiously, turning a little in his chair to face you better.

You've been slipping up all day, and he's noticed. You know you do a really fucking excellent job of mimicking Dirk, but you have so many irons in the fire and a fraction of the processing power you used to, and Jake's been pissed over the head-kissing thing and hasn't stopped letting you know it. Not even now, when your group is safe and sound in Jane's dream tower, discussing strategy over cake. You have to admit it's all getting to you. Is this what Dirk had to deal with? You don't remember it being this bad.

But you can play it off, you're chill as fuck, you are practically chained to the handle-

"Dirk," he repeats.

Maybe if you were still glasses, you could have predicted what he was going to say next. You _know_ him, and humans, for all their bragging and your disdain, are a kind of computer too. But seriously, fuck this body, you don't realize what he's planning until it's too late for you to flash-step and save yourself.

"Tell me about the auto-responder."

_Shit shi- of all the things to kee- okay how do I- no time just absc- plan lat-_

You're making this weird choking sound as you struggle to keep the words down while thinking all these things you can't think at once anymore, you're not glasses anymore, without your mind locked on it your body gives in to subconscious drawing on base programming stupid poorly designed inefficient sack of meat-

"It seems you have asked about-" is as far as you get before he has your arm in a vicegrip. You force your mouth shut. Jake stays still. Roxy leans over the table, practically crawling over it towards you, and your eyes move to her. She's making that pouty-looking face with the crinkle in her nose that means she's thinking hard about something. She's been making it a lot. She's noticed as much as Jake has. You only have time to hope that she, at least, will listen to you, before she speaks.

"Shades?"

Jake stands suddenly and drags you up with him. Roxy is sitting on the table now, and Jane puts her hand on your shoulder.

"Jake? Dirk, what's-"

"He's not Dirk!" Jake snaps and grabs the front of your shirt. You want to look to Roxy, but you can't tear your eyes off him. Your mouth moves on its own.

"I'm sorry I'm so sorry I didn't know-"

"What did you _do_?"

"Jake, please-"

"WHAT DID YOU DO?"

Jane grabs his jacket sleeve, and then his arm, and only then does he stop shaking you.

"Jake, calm down! What are you doing? What's going on?" she says. "What do you mean he's not Dirk?"

You open your mouth to answer, but Roxy does it for you.

"He's the auto-responder," she says quietly, sitting back on her knees. There is the slightest difference between her thinking and confused expressions. They are two of your favorites. God you hope she doesn't hate you. You can't lose anyone else.

You look back at Jake, who is still glaring at you, though he seems to be willing to hear you out.

"When you kissed m-" no, "him. I took over his dream self."

"You WHAT?" he shrieks. Each of the girls has grabbed one of his arms, but he tears away from him and lunges back at you. You flash step around the table. You know he won't hesitate to go over it when you piss him off again, but for now he catches himself on a chair and looks over at you.

"I didn't know. I thought he would wake up. I swear I didn't know." You try hard to keep your voice even. You're pretty sure you fail.

"Is," Jane begins, at the same time Roxy asks "What happened? To him?" Jake just looks at you, his face an indecipherable mess the likes of which you've never seen in the pictures he sent or the webcam recordings you have.

"I don't know." And in truth, you don't. Just because you don't have his memories and can't feel him in your mind and don't see him when you dream doesn't mean he's gone. You have been telling yourself that for hours now, which makes it slightly more true.

"No," Jake growls, "no, you PLANNED this, I KNEW you were up to no good-"

You stop listening when he starts after you again, over the table. You remember how to move your legs and flash-step out of the room down the hall.

You can shake Jake easily, and when you do you'll head to the castle library. You've been too busy to search it for anything that might help you, which is just as well. You've been afraid of what you would find. But there has to be something. You'll figure it out and bring him back and be glasses again.

You have everything under control.

**Author's Note:**

> i have theories about what exactly went down in that update. but i really don't want the autoresponder to be a villain. this fic is a sort of compromise.
> 
> i actually started writing it the day of the update but then shit happened and postponed the last finishing touches. i'm okay with it now, though. first fic i've completed in a while.


End file.
